Praying can be a tricky business for me.
I know that’s silly, but I am willing to bet that there are
people who suffer from the same silliness. I wonder…am I praying too long? Too
short? I can’t kneel anymore because of my fabulous knees, but Lord? Does sitting
seem like I’m being lazy?
Do you want me to pray, or listen? Should I be praying
pre-printed standard prayers, or in my own words? I’m too tired/ill/stunned to
pray. Is it ok if I just sit here and be quiet?
I was quite capable of driving myself crazy. (After all, who
knows me the best?) Fortunately for me, I have recently been able to overcome
these ‘prayer crazies’, and you know how I was able to do it? Here’s a hint: “and a little child
shall lead them.”
I have a little fifteen-month-old granddaughter. She is
currently trying to master walking, talking and pushing out teeth from her
swollen gums. She can even point to her nose when prompted! (You never know... your life might be on the line, and the only way to save yourself is to answer
the confusing question: ‘HEY! Where’s your nose??”)
Isn’t she amazing? Isn’t she the most wonderful little
fifteen-month-old child you have ever heard of? But let me tell you the most impressive thing of all. Among her very small pile of words, lies the phrase, “Hi
Nana!”
Oh my gosh. I could hear that all day. Sometimes I get
really lucky and she walks toward me chirping “Nana, Nana, Nana.” I just
melt into a puddle. She literally enchants me when she spontaneously bursts
forth with those greetings. My love for her just pours out and I am sure it
could flood a mountain.
Thinking about how much I just adore her led me to my ‘cue
the sunshine through the parting clouds’ moment. All my little one has to do is
say my name and I am enthralled. Add ‘hi’ to the mix, and you can add
‘enraptured.’ Honestly though, if she sat down in front of me and starting spouting
gibberish, I would smile and wish the moment
would last forever.
If small, imperfect, mortal me can feel that way about her, in her limited ability to
connect to me, how much more does Jesus in heaven love me when I sit in front
of him and splash about in my inadequate pile of words? Yes, sitting is ok!
Like he would care, right? He also sits opposite me, cross-legged, elbow on
knee, chin in fist, watching me with a love that washes over me like the ocean.
I think I’m done worrying about prayer. If all I can do
is just say his name over and over that’s ok. He will, still and always, think of
me as his beloved and cherished child. And if I can’t pray in words, I’ll just
sit and soak up the moment.
And that will be just fine with him too.